I dnt have any answer to this question. I m back again in this regular meeting with stars, some work, some gossip, some fun, some food, some life and some earnings. This is all what i been known around for and this is what i m doing right now also.
People say its v.difficult to get job, bt i say its difficult to stay widut job cz sooner or later u love that cash inflow for yer small , big, idiotic, extravagant, stylish ... all kinda needs.
D Money isnt Bill Gates, he has it and he is makin more bt doesnt have a life of a normal person.
Dude if i go out and piss on road it will not become headlines of every news channel or news paper, bt if any1 of those so called big pplz of world do it becomes head line.
LOL!!!! - why they dont have life, they dnt feel like spitting, pukin, peein :P:P:P:PP
But this friendship which i m talkin abt ( stars) started the time i joined this firm and started comin in night shifts. since then whenever there is a night shift, i m defaultly there. If there are shifts there is no 2 ways that i m in which shift!!
I ma love these stars and chat with them cz they are the only ones who always give me company withut putting any conditions...
I wana be a sattelite to so go up high , high and high up in air v.v.v.v.v..v.vv.v.v. close to those stars and ask them -- --- - hw d hell u shine so much, ur so beautiful but still humble, why ru always there to give me company, why dont u ask anythin back from me, even when u and me both dnt say hi to each othr,
I still blink with my eyes to ya u shud atleast reply to that, i ma not here to stole ur shiningness. i m here to say that i wana be like yer not like moon. who has so many patches on him bt still thinks he is most bright. he is a dumb mofu, mean ass dumb retarded mofu.
this lonelyness, this feeling of havin ppl around in physical sense bt mentally no1 alive is gr8. watchin them doin there things monotonously alll day, weeks, all months, and all years..
Years gone, Things changes bt i m still d same,
was on road, still on road, w'll live on road,,
i m bck on road again,....
Problems i have many, so dnt bring ur problems to me. if u have some answers just tell me the answer and get lost. i will get back to yer if ur answer is right enuf for me to apply,.
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Monday, December 8, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
MidNight ass off
There was a time when i used to love the night shifts. its not that i dont love them now, i still love working in night by myself no-one to bug me and get bugged. All by myself :O [ suspicious -lol]. but last few weeks my height of frustration has gone to that extent that there aint any account of it now. One of the basic reasons is for last 10months i havent got any leave, even after applying them for more than 1 and a half month prior i dont get them, ( included cancelling of my plane ticket ones). i am asking for leaves for last week of Dec, that is also being denied. My TL says my leaves will be approved in Feb ( wtf - thats gona be 1 full f__ckn year since i went home).
I am also a human being. Coming in every night shift. workin late ( bdw i come late to office), bt its not impossible to change my livin style, i can easily change my routinie by comin early ( 9:00 AM gng at 6:00 PM). will be damn happy in doin that.
But i guess people think its easy to exploit someone as much as they can, because he doesnt say anything. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
its the correct time for me to prove my worth, i dont care for anything, if they dont approve my leaves i am gona do possibly everything to get them and even if i dont get them. End of story byezz to this firm. I don't care for anything, i need a big break to get evrything back on track i cant live and work like this. I need break - end of story ( and i want it when i need them, not when someone can give me)
I have been sober for full 3 months thats an accomplishment for you.
wow, if i have been slogging for so long and ppl dnt see the inside of me. Just because i dont get bugged so easily ( i have changed into this a person who gets bugged and irritated in just like 2 mints.)
its gona be more than 15hrs in office by the time i leave. i wud seriously dont like comin on 2mrw night again and working again just because they dont have anyone else as a backup.
OMG - understood thats your problem not mine...
ANYWAYS, a lot of cribbin for a while. LOL i am writting this for myself not for you to read and see my frustrations or grudges.,. so SHOOOOOOOOO away!!
I am also a human being. Coming in every night shift. workin late ( bdw i come late to office), bt its not impossible to change my livin style, i can easily change my routinie by comin early ( 9:00 AM gng at 6:00 PM). will be damn happy in doin that.
But i guess people think its easy to exploit someone as much as they can, because he doesnt say anything. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
its the correct time for me to prove my worth, i dont care for anything, if they dont approve my leaves i am gona do possibly everything to get them and even if i dont get them. End of story byezz to this firm. I don't care for anything, i need a big break to get evrything back on track i cant live and work like this. I need break - end of story ( and i want it when i need them, not when someone can give me)
I have been sober for full 3 months thats an accomplishment for you.
wow, if i have been slogging for so long and ppl dnt see the inside of me. Just because i dont get bugged so easily ( i have changed into this a person who gets bugged and irritated in just like 2 mints.)
its gona be more than 15hrs in office by the time i leave. i wud seriously dont like comin on 2mrw night again and working again just because they dont have anyone else as a backup.
OMG - understood thats your problem not mine...
ANYWAYS, a lot of cribbin for a while. LOL i am writting this for myself not for you to read and see my frustrations or grudges.,. so SHOOOOOOOOO away!!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
ME vs ZZZZ
welcome back, I am writting after sometime. Should i just into to write what i jot down in my memores or shud i goof around a lil. ( GooFin is the best i do :-O ).
jeez i dont have a nice catchy line to start up. i always wondered how to keep a continous supply of adrealine for myself. [ more the pumped adrealine better is my behaviour towards :-p ] waiting here in the blistering cold to find a correct path for myself. When i have a really shitty day ( which i generally do) i keep up to myself. But this wait of hopin something and not tryin anything is driving insane. zzzzzzzzzz
i ma not in mood of bundle up someone just cause i feel outta place. Probably i need to think about it. I have ruined a lot, now dream about it. Now u cant dream, so i have screwed my sleep.
"You have asked me before and i said Nothing" - its not the 1st time its happening again. :-/
Finally, time has reached to that twi-lane where i need to stop things, look around and take up 1 road, cz i cant just switch after this time. Only small issue, i am not sure if i love right more or left more :) [i knw what u meant by that], Cz what we see is always not true and what we wish to happen can also happen ( thts why we have a term called DEJAVOO in dictionary.)
ROFLPMSL
>.< - RAWR
coz i knw this entry doesnt make sense. Its not making any sense for me too .. IMAO
jeez i dont have a nice catchy line to start up. i always wondered how to keep a continous supply of adrealine for myself. [ more the pumped adrealine better is my behaviour towards :-p ] waiting here in the blistering cold to find a correct path for myself. When i have a really shitty day ( which i generally do) i keep up to myself. But this wait of hopin something and not tryin anything is driving insane. zzzzzzzzzz
i ma not in mood of bundle up someone just cause i feel outta place. Probably i need to think about it. I have ruined a lot, now dream about it. Now u cant dream, so i have screwed my sleep.
"You have asked me before and i said Nothing" - its not the 1st time its happening again. :-/
Finally, time has reached to that twi-lane where i need to stop things, look around and take up 1 road, cz i cant just switch after this time. Only small issue, i am not sure if i love right more or left more :) [i knw what u meant by that], Cz what we see is always not true and what we wish to happen can also happen ( thts why we have a term called DEJAVOO in dictionary.)
ROFLPMSL
>.< - RAWR
coz i knw this entry doesnt make sense. Its not making any sense for me too .. IMAO
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Resprotecting myself
22/08/08
really kewl rate. coming here and writting it after 2.5 months approx. i dont feel like writting my life in pensive anymore. it doesnt feel there is any need of saving deep entrusted memories of mine anymore. probably because they aint significant nw or will be of any slight intrest later. lolz.. what to save and what not too.
lets start wid imp. issues in life. hmmmm wht cud be more imp. than my health. BDW i am ROYALLY SCREWING my health or probably its a part of my passion to be weirdo, spooky, insane.. rofl god knws wht all!!!. my day starts in ring of smokes and it ends wid ring of smokes. finally, i have slowed down the rate of my drinking. apart from these 2 so called bad vices i dnt do any other drugs :) (i'm hapy atleast i have cut down on rest of the freaky things :-0 ). have to go and get my full body checked. dentist, skin, hair and throat is a must must asap.
now carrer, hmmmmmmmm needs a deep restropection. i dnt knw wht i am gonna do. i dnt wana be like this. probably gamin carrer, acturaial or business analyst :o big big thoughts. i need to thnk abt a person who i have killed 5yrs back. has to get tht person back to life and genrate d new personna again.. aww awww awww.
nw abt the so called LG factor oops.. quiet big things. i knw myself i cnt take my responsibility myself hw wud i take of odrs.:P.(still i need a better comebck line, cz this1 gonna be shitty in front of parents. they will tore me apart in pieces:O:P. the L thng nt meant for asole like me. oops and G thngy "l" is there for passtime. no1 knws wht happen this time. cz it never ends well wht starts good. atleast wid me.
my reputation preceeds me in tht matter..:O oooooooo lolz..
specifically, i dnt want things to turn serious cz i dnt want end up in front of parents. So, have to end it now its been a long time more she is getting to senti. i cnt take this emotional stuff nt at this age.
CIAO ( SAYO NARA ) meet ya later buddy :D
really kewl rate. coming here and writting it after 2.5 months approx. i dont feel like writting my life in pensive anymore. it doesnt feel there is any need of saving deep entrusted memories of mine anymore. probably because they aint significant nw or will be of any slight intrest later. lolz.. what to save and what not too.
lets start wid imp. issues in life. hmmmm wht cud be more imp. than my health. BDW i am ROYALLY SCREWING my health or probably its a part of my passion to be weirdo, spooky, insane.. rofl god knws wht all!!!. my day starts in ring of smokes and it ends wid ring of smokes. finally, i have slowed down the rate of my drinking. apart from these 2 so called bad vices i dnt do any other drugs :) (i'm hapy atleast i have cut down on rest of the freaky things :-0 ). have to go and get my full body checked. dentist, skin, hair and throat is a must must asap.
now carrer, hmmmmmmmm needs a deep restropection. i dnt knw wht i am gonna do. i dnt wana be like this. probably gamin carrer, acturaial or business analyst :o big big thoughts. i need to thnk abt a person who i have killed 5yrs back. has to get tht person back to life and genrate d new personna again.. aww awww awww.
nw abt the so called LG factor oops.. quiet big things. i knw myself i cnt take my responsibility myself hw wud i take of odrs.:P.(still i need a better comebck line, cz this1 gonna be shitty in front of parents. they will tore me apart in pieces:O:P. the L thng nt meant for asole like me. oops and G thngy "l" is there for passtime. no1 knws wht happen this time. cz it never ends well wht starts good. atleast wid me.
my reputation preceeds me in tht matter..:O oooooooo lolz..
specifically, i dnt want things to turn serious cz i dnt want end up in front of parents. So, have to end it now its been a long time more she is getting to senti. i cnt take this emotional stuff nt at this age.
CIAO ( SAYO NARA ) meet ya later buddy :D
Restrospecting myself
22/08/08
really kewl rate. coming here and writting it after 2.5 months approx. i dont feel like writting my life in pensive anymore. it doesnt feel there is any need of saving deep entrusted memories of mine anymore. probably because they aint significant nw or will be of any slight intrest later. lolz.. what to save and what not too.
lets start wid imp. issues in life. hmmmm wht cud be more imp. than my health. BDW i am ROYALLY SCREWING my health or probably its a part of my passion to be weirdo, spooky, insane.. rofl god knws wht all!!!. my day starts in ring of smokes and it ends wid ring of smokes. finally, i have slowed down the rate of my drinking. apart from these 2 so called bad vices i dnt do any other drugs :) (i'm hapy atleast i have cut down on rest of the freaky things :-0 ). have to go and get my full body checked. dentist, skin, hair and throat is a must must asap.
now carrer, hmmmmmmmm needs a deep restropection. i dnt knw wht i am gonna do. i dnt wana be like this. probably gamin carrer, acturaial or business analyst :o big big thoughts. i need to thnk abt a person who i have killed 5yrs back. has to get tht person back to life and genrate d new personna again.. aww awww awww.
nw abt the so called LG factor oops.. quiet big things. i knw myself i cnt take my responsibility myself hw wud i take of odrs.:P.(still i need a better comebck line, cz this1 gonna be shitty in front of parents. they will tore me apart in pieces:O:P. the L thng nt meant for asole like me. oops and G thngy "l" is there for passtime. no1 knws wht happen this time. cz it never ends well wht starts good. atleast wid me.
my reputation preceeds me in tht matter..:O oooooooo lolz..
specifically, i dnt want things to turn serious cz i dnt want end up in front of parents. So, have to end it now its been a long time more she is getting to senti. i cnt take this emotional stuff nt at this age.
CIAO ( SAYO NARA ) meet ya later buddy :D
really kewl rate. coming here and writting it after 2.5 months approx. i dont feel like writting my life in pensive anymore. it doesnt feel there is any need of saving deep entrusted memories of mine anymore. probably because they aint significant nw or will be of any slight intrest later. lolz.. what to save and what not too.
lets start wid imp. issues in life. hmmmm wht cud be more imp. than my health. BDW i am ROYALLY SCREWING my health or probably its a part of my passion to be weirdo, spooky, insane.. rofl god knws wht all!!!. my day starts in ring of smokes and it ends wid ring of smokes. finally, i have slowed down the rate of my drinking. apart from these 2 so called bad vices i dnt do any other drugs :) (i'm hapy atleast i have cut down on rest of the freaky things :-0 ). have to go and get my full body checked. dentist, skin, hair and throat is a must must asap.
now carrer, hmmmmmmmm needs a deep restropection. i dnt knw wht i am gonna do. i dnt wana be like this. probably gamin carrer, acturaial or business analyst :o big big thoughts. i need to thnk abt a person who i have killed 5yrs back. has to get tht person back to life and genrate d new personna again.. aww awww awww.
nw abt the so called LG factor oops.. quiet big things. i knw myself i cnt take my responsibility myself hw wud i take of odrs.:P.(still i need a better comebck line, cz this1 gonna be shitty in front of parents. they will tore me apart in pieces:O:P. the L thng nt meant for asole like me. oops and G thngy "l" is there for passtime. no1 knws wht happen this time. cz it never ends well wht starts good. atleast wid me.
my reputation preceeds me in tht matter..:O oooooooo lolz..
specifically, i dnt want things to turn serious cz i dnt want end up in front of parents. So, have to end it now its been a long time more she is getting to senti. i cnt take this emotional stuff nt at this age.
CIAO ( SAYO NARA ) meet ya later buddy :D
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
GL|TcH †
Still sitting on a revoliving chair, same position, same location, same chair, same office.. only thing tht has changed is the time of the day. smtime ago it used to be night hours i am sitting and working, that was the time when my MidNight Pay Roll was on .( :P used to earn a lil more also.. bcz of shift). Seriously, coming in shift is really different routine.
I feel like sleeping right nw, when whole world is awake and working i wana sleep, this is because of tht pay roll. cant adjust to new sorroundings so easily. Bt the night roll was more fun, cooling down, atleast i used to get smtime for myself to do smthing.
In this morning shift, generally when i am leaving smthng will sprang up, i will become late and then what.. gng late and then doing nthing except hunting for food. go eat and sleep. wake up 2mrw .. come to office.
Monday, April 28, 2008
MID NIGHT PAY ROLL
As, i sit here and slowly close my eyes, i see a totally dream of life. i feel so afraid and disturb because the life is mine and no1 else. the dream comes everyday. but its always narrating a new, disturbed story of mine.
i never think it will stop. i want this world to stop, time to stop at that particular moment, so that i can really see the show. whatever i may try. i am always one step behind the time, i cant stop it at that particular moment. so that everything freezes and i can analyze all of it at the same time. :-p
i have a problem i cant explain. there is no question i have an answer for. i know, i shud not be so confused, but i have a fear when i am around myself.... me, me , me, me and me alone.
i think, dream all these things and feel that someone will explain, bt wht i have understood till now is tht, there is neever enough time to do everything you want to do.. tht means everytime u want some1 to help yaa its not possible. there is never enough of anything to everything. bt that doesnt mean there will never be. so i cant just sit ideally and leave everything behind so that some1 else can come and do it for me.
tooo tired to write anything.. watching this dumb screen all night. as being in this mid night shift for 1 week now. have understood the formula behind it ..thats why i can survive the monotonous life of it..
will write more ... 2mrw whn i feel fresh and i am more of myself.
CYA CYA CYA .. :))
i never think it will stop. i want this world to stop, time to stop at that particular moment, so that i can really see the show. whatever i may try. i am always one step behind the time, i cant stop it at that particular moment. so that everything freezes and i can analyze all of it at the same time. :-p
i have a problem i cant explain. there is no question i have an answer for. i know, i shud not be so confused, but i have a fear when i am around myself.... me, me , me, me and me alone.
i think, dream all these things and feel that someone will explain, bt wht i have understood till now is tht, there is neever enough time to do everything you want to do.. tht means everytime u want some1 to help yaa its not possible. there is never enough of anything to everything. bt that doesnt mean there will never be. so i cant just sit ideally and leave everything behind so that some1 else can come and do it for me.
tooo tired to write anything.. watching this dumb screen all night. as being in this mid night shift for 1 week now. have understood the formula behind it ..thats why i can survive the monotonous life of it..
will write more ... 2mrw whn i feel fresh and i am more of myself.
CYA CYA CYA .. :))
not me
i cried on the telephone to my daddy.. hw alone i was?? i drown myself in the deepest creavice. hw lonely i was. when the marijuana hit me .. i was so lonely..the saints are coming actually its very easy to cut off. from the world and all the circle.. bt very difficult to stay like this .
its been a long time since i wrote anything worth reading. shud i start or shud i simply go back for hibenation again.
this hibernation is killing my spirit. i am no longer the guy people used to be afraid to mess up wid. i still feel that hollowness that i felt 4 years ago. i still remember all the fight i did put up that time after a pathetic living of 2 months. i still wana be 1 that need no weapons to kill people, my mouth should be more than enuff.
where is me the real me. wht people see is nt me,.. its dead side of me that is hidin from something.. i am still afraid to decide my fate. but why, i need to retrospect myself.
stop living like a pathetic losser. this agony has to end, today itself. bcz 2mrw is not an option. my dear moments die in front of me bt i dnt hear any screams... bt the best i want is a wrong direction.. the tears dnt fall.. they crash around me.
this battle between me and myself, i have seen before.. bt never seen this wid this much feroctiy. all the cruelty, rudeness, hunger for death, bloodlust, pride of egoistic sonofabitch... i cnt still realise that i am seeing circle of smoke through trees, dnt tell me that i am hallucinating, i am seeing other homo-sapiens as another sort of toys.. which are really amusing. bt what i am not able to understand is.. why does people wana challenge me wid everything they got and then feel sorry when i jst say ..... (i guess u knw this very well ) . bt the people who really hold something in them they dnt wana compell me for anything.. some really enlighten me wid wht they have .. rest of them help me to come up this gross ladder of people faces.. some are sullen.. bt most of them are dead.. spluttered wid blood.
is this the happy ending.. i forsee. or its the end of me..bcz i dnt see anything which shud be considered as happy... i have a feelin that tell me even words have 2 meanings..
its been a long time since i wrote anything worth reading. shud i start or shud i simply go back for hibenation again.
this hibernation is killing my spirit. i am no longer the guy people used to be afraid to mess up wid. i still feel that hollowness that i felt 4 years ago. i still remember all the fight i did put up that time after a pathetic living of 2 months. i still wana be 1 that need no weapons to kill people, my mouth should be more than enuff.
where is me the real me. wht people see is nt me,.. its dead side of me that is hidin from something.. i am still afraid to decide my fate. but why, i need to retrospect myself.
stop living like a pathetic losser. this agony has to end, today itself. bcz 2mrw is not an option. my dear moments die in front of me bt i dnt hear any screams... bt the best i want is a wrong direction.. the tears dnt fall.. they crash around me.
this battle between me and myself, i have seen before.. bt never seen this wid this much feroctiy. all the cruelty, rudeness, hunger for death, bloodlust, pride of egoistic sonofabitch... i cnt still realise that i am seeing circle of smoke through trees, dnt tell me that i am hallucinating, i am seeing other homo-sapiens as another sort of toys.. which are really amusing. bt what i am not able to understand is.. why does people wana challenge me wid everything they got and then feel sorry when i jst say ..... (i guess u knw this very well ) . bt the people who really hold something in them they dnt wana compell me for anything.. some really enlighten me wid wht they have .. rest of them help me to come up this gross ladder of people faces.. some are sullen.. bt most of them are dead.. spluttered wid blood.
is this the happy ending.. i forsee. or its the end of me..bcz i dnt see anything which shud be considered as happy... i have a feelin that tell me even words have 2 meanings..
Monday, January 21, 2008
†B® 0 kE ..d
Finally, i got sometime to tell my tale again. Sitting in this training room, trying to learn core-java in 6 days precisely (48 hrs), people do spend months and months of coachin and teachin in this subject. bt i am amazed to know that there still exist people, who think its possible in 6days.
thats gud for me atleast, at the end of 6days i might say, i knw something which people call one of the most difficult languages till date.
Actually, the name JAVA came from hot coffee, this made me more happy that people who developed it was none other than some gud fellas who used every peice of there intellact to develop this and i dnt have to waste mine in learning. if everybody becomes master in everythin then there will be no-one whom u have to compare beat. Thats why i wana give every1 a chance to excel, so that in last they can say they are better than me in coding.. i will be glad to knw they are.. bt if they still cant say that... then lies the biggest problem.....( u can guess it by now..wht ma next sentence gonna be)...
hey, i didnt came here to restore this in ma pensive, i came here to tell a tell of ma wallet. which always ends up in finishin whatever i have.. even if i lend another few bucks frm sme bug..
finally, i have decided to buy myself an ipod, actually i wanted an iphone.
since ma brother tuk ma phone and i am living wid this piece of shit, which i dnt like even a percent..bt i will keep living wid it.. bcz i phone is still a dream and i am not that rich to spend somthn like 20k and then i cant get it upgraded and it might not work..when i decode it accordin to ma needs.. so nothing can be done.. i have to stay wid it..
so atlast i will have smthng to pamper maself. thats why i am going for 80gb simple old video ipod.. bcz thats like cheap enough 12k, moreover it handle all ma needs of music..
and i have jst dropped the plan to buy boss qc2 (noise cancellation) head-phones.. nt too freak out bt its cost is exactly the same as the ipod i am planning to buy.. and i dnt have tht much of money saved.. thats why i am droppin.. dnt worry , in next few months i will have tht headphones..and then wait till december...to have iphone or mac air..
they both are like dreams .. bt they are sweet dreams will come true someday. probably by the end of 2008 i will have all lined up. as in ipod, iphone, headphones and mac air.
i dnt knw hw can all this lined up. bt i will have all that..
bt it wud be strange enuf for me to have all this by the end of this yr. bcz i earn jst enuf, that stops me from calling my parents to send me some..
and i am making plans of buyin a lot of it.. smthng around 1.14lkhs shud i say..(OMG ..HOLYFUCk.. ru nuts,, dude ur mad..) yeah i knw wht u all saying.. cant help it..
chalo let see till where i can succeed in pamperin maself.
""DONT WORRY, I AM NOT HIGH, i havent taken any drug, booze or fag b4 writting all this"
till now this gonna be one of ma 1st posts, where i havent written any quotes. bt for how long.. i have to add one..and this one is gonna be a legend..
I am not sure, whatever that glitters is gold. bt i need to buy everything what i feel, when i reach the max. of it i get to knw, i have wasted a lot only thing i can think of ......
-------Ooh, ooh, ooh ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh.
i knw whtever i wana write, it aint straight bcz i am writting something that has meaning which i dnt wana interpret not for me, not for u and not for any1.. if u want u can interpret urself.
Smtimes all of our thoughts are mistaken by the ones whose reading it. I have seen smoke screen all around ma bed, dont worry ma bed was on fire, its a very old instance and i was sleeping happily bcz it was so cold to go out and i thought some angel has come to ma rescue.. bt when ma friends bangged ma door then i realised somthings .. somwhere is gone sooo wrong..
if i say ma mind is fully cleared, silent and there aint any bustle in it...thats the biggest lie i wud be saying. Dont be alarmed now,yes, there are always more doors to move in when u wana try ur luck..my head is humming and it wont go..
its time for me to say sayo-nara.
bt i dnt feel like that .. i wana write sm more i dnt knw wht.. bt i feel like writting till i feel so sick of it that i jst cut ma hands so that i cant write anything more than that..
thats gud for me atleast, at the end of 6days i might say, i knw something which people call one of the most difficult languages till date.
Actually, the name JAVA came from hot coffee, this made me more happy that people who developed it was none other than some gud fellas who used every peice of there intellact to develop this and i dnt have to waste mine in learning. if everybody becomes master in everythin then there will be no-one whom u have to compare beat. Thats why i wana give every1 a chance to excel, so that in last they can say they are better than me in coding.. i will be glad to knw they are.. bt if they still cant say that... then lies the biggest problem.....( u can guess it by now..wht ma next sentence gonna be)...
hey, i didnt came here to restore this in ma pensive, i came here to tell a tell of ma wallet. which always ends up in finishin whatever i have.. even if i lend another few bucks frm sme bug..
finally, i have decided to buy myself an ipod, actually i wanted an iphone.
since ma brother tuk ma phone and i am living wid this piece of shit, which i dnt like even a percent..bt i will keep living wid it.. bcz i phone is still a dream and i am not that rich to spend somthn like 20k and then i cant get it upgraded and it might not work..when i decode it accordin to ma needs.. so nothing can be done.. i have to stay wid it..
so atlast i will have smthng to pamper maself. thats why i am going for 80gb simple old video ipod.. bcz thats like cheap enough 12k, moreover it handle all ma needs of music..
and i have jst dropped the plan to buy boss qc2 (noise cancellation) head-phones.. nt too freak out bt its cost is exactly the same as the ipod i am planning to buy.. and i dnt have tht much of money saved.. thats why i am droppin.. dnt worry , in next few months i will have tht headphones..and then wait till december...to have iphone or mac air..
they both are like dreams .. bt they are sweet dreams will come true someday. probably by the end of 2008 i will have all lined up. as in ipod, iphone, headphones and mac air.
i dnt knw hw can all this lined up. bt i will have all that..
bt it wud be strange enuf for me to have all this by the end of this yr. bcz i earn jst enuf, that stops me from calling my parents to send me some..
and i am making plans of buyin a lot of it.. smthng around 1.14lkhs shud i say..(OMG ..HOLYFUCk.. ru nuts,, dude ur mad..) yeah i knw wht u all saying.. cant help it..
chalo let see till where i can succeed in pamperin maself.
""DONT WORRY, I AM NOT HIGH, i havent taken any drug, booze or fag b4 writting all this"
till now this gonna be one of ma 1st posts, where i havent written any quotes. bt for how long.. i have to add one..and this one is gonna be a legend..
I am not sure, whatever that glitters is gold. bt i need to buy everything what i feel, when i reach the max. of it i get to knw, i have wasted a lot only thing i can think of ......
-------Ooh, ooh, ooh ooh oooh oooh oooh ooh.
i knw whtever i wana write, it aint straight bcz i am writting something that has meaning which i dnt wana interpret not for me, not for u and not for any1.. if u want u can interpret urself.
Smtimes all of our thoughts are mistaken by the ones whose reading it. I have seen smoke screen all around ma bed, dont worry ma bed was on fire, its a very old instance and i was sleeping happily bcz it was so cold to go out and i thought some angel has come to ma rescue.. bt when ma friends bangged ma door then i realised somthings .. somwhere is gone sooo wrong..
if i say ma mind is fully cleared, silent and there aint any bustle in it...thats the biggest lie i wud be saying. Dont be alarmed now,yes, there are always more doors to move in when u wana try ur luck..my head is humming and it wont go..
its time for me to say sayo-nara.
bt i dnt feel like that .. i wana write sm more i dnt knw wht.. bt i feel like writting till i feel so sick of it that i jst cut ma hands so that i cant write anything more than that..
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